The truth is

i like you alot.
i've liked you from the moment i saw you.
i've liked you always since.
but the truth also is
i like you alot too.
i'd do anything to spend time with you.
i'd do anything for you too.
but the worst truth is
i like you only very minimally.
but i hate to see you liking anyone else.
which is why i have nothing.
because i want everything.

Happiness is

beginning to drink @ 12am while in the presence of others.
drinking alone @ 2am while watching Yellow Hair 2 and loving it so fucking much.
smoking showering @ 4am.
continuing to drink alone @ 5am while ranting in my diary and watching the sun rise at my bedroom window.
still drinking @ 6am while blogging and listening to paul johnson's get get down obsessively.
i certainly feel quite magnificently happy.

Why i love 東邪西毒

“ 可能因為孤兒，
我好細個就學得怎麼保戶自己。
我知道如果你唔想給人拒絕，
最好的方法，就係拒絕鐘人先。"

I learnt this in school too

if a person asks you "do you like me?"
there is a 90% chance that the person likes you.
if a person asks you "do you hate me?"
there is a 60% chance that the person does not hate you.

school really educates man.

I want to leave the world of fluff

i don't want to play anymore.
i want to be an artist again
the me that was before.
i don't want to shop and giggle and mope
like all these little children.
instead i want to stun the world
with my evils and spit and cauldron.

I could leave hk on may 26

to go back to sunny singapore. to go back to freelance video jobs. to go back to freelance acting. to go back to my favourite friends. to go back to my father's house. to go back to non-limbo.
but i won't.
i have chosen to stay on till june 30 for utterly no reason at all.
because i am a changed person.
now i like floating pointlessly.
you guys can achieve all that you can back there.
me i just want to float for a while.

I saw two scars yesterday

on the bodies of two different girls.
one was a burn. the other was a cut.
both were self-inflicted.
most people will adore the most good-looking person in the room.
i don't give a fuck about magazine-good looks.
but if you have self-inflicted scars i will smile at you thrice as much.

I love my new tattoo

i got it on 4.4.2008.
it is a dragon sliding down my left arm.
i got it from the place cecilia cheung got hers and beyond's paul his.
phoenix recommended the tattoo parlor.
ronny and david and sarahtwo came along.
sarahtwo sat with me at the parlor taking photos of it being done.
karen was worried for hours because i told her my bandage was from an accident.
i ripped off the bandage in front of n.
ronny donated a tube of antiseptic and pasted the bandage of blood at my desk.
nokia named it D or BB.
i love my D.
i love my hk friends even more.

My book about love says

from being in a loving home children learn to become loving people.
which basically means that i'm fucked and i don't know how to be a loving person.

which isn't utterly untrue.

honestly, i don't really know how to love.
i don't know how to show my love.
worse, i don't know how to reciprocate when people love me.
even if i do sorta like them back.

honestly, it's not that i don't like you.
only that i was too stunned.
if i could replay the whole thing all over again, i would have hugged you back all night long.