8 days after Tata's death

i finally have time to sit down and write about it.

the past 7 days were like a holiday for me.
i did things i never did before.
i slept all over the place.
i made new friends (who are really my long lost relatives).
there was the dismantling of the bed tata died in, the choosing of funeral items, the wake, the prayer ceremonies, the hanging out at singapore casket, the sleeping over at singapore casket, the cremation ceremony, the temple ceremonies, the sea burial, the first proper extended family dinner in years, the hanging out at extended family's houses, the sleeping over at tata's house on the 7th night after his death because he was "coming home for the night", more temple ceremonies, more meals with extended family, the getting to know each other, the talking about tata, the talking to tata out loud (awkward awkward feeling), the getting to know buddhism, the starting to believe in chinese post-death superstitions like the return of the spirit in bug form on the 7th night because there really was a strange exotic bug on the ceiling all night and because i really felt the sudden chills.
i learnt a lot in these few days.
facts about death, funeral rites, afterlife, religion, existence and everything.
things about my family that i never knew before.
i also witnessed the 杨家将ness of my family's women (most remarkably when a 杨 daughter-in-law took a hammer and dismantled and removed a double bed that had been stuck together since the 1970s while my dad sat in the living room and didn't help... i gaped and i gaped and i helped...)
so now i go back to my regular life, slightly changed.
i have suddenly more material options now.
i have a few more contacts now.
tata is no longer here now.
but life just goes on you know.
till my turn to die comes.
as yours will too.

Die bitch die

(a real email i just spat out)



To: Charlene R.
CC: OAS Staff, OAS Manager, IC of Sch, Head of Sch, Sunday Times Writer



RE: Appeal against "F" grade awarded just because of 2 class absences?!



Dear Charlene,

I find your firm decision to fail me for CDP202 at this point of the semester, just because i missed 2 classes, unreasonable and unacceptable.

1. Even if the course is strongly practical based, i have only missed 2 out of 10 classes. You still have 7 more classes that i could be attending. That means that i could have 8/10 or 80% attendance. I can understand going down a grade because of 80% attendance, but an "F" for 80% attendance? I cannot accept.

2. Your assessment breakdown states that we will be graded 30% for group seminar, 10% for class participation, 30% for written assignment and 30% for group performance. The group performance has not occurred and the written assignment has not been due. That is 60% of my grade that will not be affected by my 80% attendance. And I still have a 80% chance of passing the 40% allocated to group seminar and class participation. Mathematically, it does not make logical sense how having only 80% attendance will mean i get an "F" right now.

3. I missed your very first class because i was not registered for the course at that time. I only registered after the add/drop period. Because of that, naturally, i didn't attend your first class because i was not even registered for it. I don't see why I am getting penalised for not attending a class that i was not registered for.

4. I thought your assessment should be of our grasp of the subject and our application of it? Our diligence in coming to class should be a secondary factor in it. I can accept a lower grade for my 2 absences but I do not see how 2 absences equate an "F" in terms of my grasp of the subject. In fact, I have not even been given a chance to prove that i know the subject and I am not going to accept an "F" on my transcript that may make potential employers doubt my intellectual capabilities when really it is just because i didn't show up for 2 classes.

5. I too wish that I could be the model student and focus solely on my studies and turn up for every class, but the fact is, not all students have the luxury of focusing just on their studies. Your class now seems only appropriate for the rich students who do not have to work during school term. I haven't had a mother since i was 5 years old and i haven't had anything to do with my father since 6 years ago. Every cent i have now, i earned myself. And if i don't earn, i starve. I took on the job because i was down to having $200 in the whole world and i was told that the job would only take 2 weeks. I was willing to get lower grades for that money but i never expected to get an "F" right out for it.

6. The thing about this "F" is that I was not even warned about it. In fact this is the first time in my entire life that i have heard that missing 2 classes will warrant you an "F". CDP202 was not the only class i missed in my 2 weeks away from school. I missed all other classes and because I am from ADM, they too were studio classes that were heavily participation-based. I will be getting lower grades for some of them but nobody else has mentioned failing me (thank goodness), except for you. If I had known that missing 2 of your classes would get me an "F" I would have by hook or by crook come to your class. But i did not even know. It is not the norm. And I do think that since your class is so unique you should have given at least some forewarning or chance for reparation before you award the "F" since it will have rather long lasting academic, financial and time implications (if i choose to stay on and pay for another semester just to clear a 20X course to clear my minor) for me.

7. I am still registered for your class. I am still paying school fees to attend this class, to be given a chance to get a grade for this class. From a consumer's point of view, being told that i have been "disqualified" from the class just because i was absent for 2 classes when i haven't even had a chance to write the term paper or do the group performance or participate in the other 7 classes and when i wasn't even given sufficient warning that missing 2 classes would mean an "F" grade, makes me unhappy about the money i still have to pay for the class that I am now not even allowed to be a part of. Being disqualified from a class because i beat somebody up, i understand. Being disqualified from a class because i cheated in a test, i understand. Being disqualified because i missed 2 classes? No, i do not understand.



All i ask is to have the imposed "F" lifted and to be given the chance to continue as a student in your class and be graded fairly for the term paper, group performance and the 80% participation that i can do for the remaining 7 classes.

I have learnt the importance of attendance from this shocking experience and i will attend the remaining 7 classes rain or shine, ill or busy.

Thus I hope you can show some compassion as a teacher and let me have a fair chance at passing this course as I am truly sorry for my 2 absences and promise to never be absent again.

Even if you do reject my plea, i will still continue going for your classes and still participate in the group performance and still turn in the term paper and i will still expect to be graded fairly on them. And i will definitely continue appealing this "F" because I seriously find being graded "F" just because i missed 2 classes unjustified.

To those whom i CCed in this email, i do hope i can have your kind assistance in resolving my grievances over this matter because i do not think i deserve an "F" just because i missed 2 classes.

Thank you for your attention and i hope to hear from you soon.

Sincerely,
Yang Sara

---

VS

---

-----Original Message-----
From: Charlene R.
Sent: Mon 2/16/2009 6:11 PM
To: Yang Sara
Cc: OAS Staff
Subject: RE: Apologies & explanation for class absences

Dear Sara,

I have read your email carefully and wish to inform you that your choice to take on a part-time job and miss classes for that reason is not acceptable. The details of your job sound awful, and I am glad that you finally chose to leave. However I do believe that as a 4th year student you should have considered your workload more carefully before you made this choice.

Having done CDP 101 you should be well aware of the crucial part that attendance and participation plays in the assessment of the course. Hence you should have realised that you could not afford to miss classes for CDP 202 two weeks in a row, having already missed an earlier class. This is because much emphasis is placed on the process and on group work done during each session. As a result it will not be possible for you to 'catch up' on the work done as the course does not depend on a textbook, but on the integration of theory and practice throughout the sessions. Hence the emphasis on attendance. Bear in mind that there have been several discussions which you have not participated in, and improvisations that you have not watched or contributed to at all. Thus it is not equitable on the three groups that have already been formed to work on the Group Seminar, to include you in their process, as you have not been part of the ongoing discourse.

As the practical component of the course comprises 60% in total - 30% for the Group Seminar and 30% for the Group Performance, you have effectively disqualified yourself from the class by choosing to be absent without any notification or apology prior to your being contacted by OAS. This communicates an indifference and lack of responsibility towards your participation in the course. Knowing that you had missed the first week due to it being Add-Drop period, the onus was on you to make up for that absence, but instead you failed to do so.

In view of the above, please be informed that you will not pass the course for the reasons stated above.

Regards,
Charlene R. (bitch)

Editing boot camp

/ things i learnt from the horror of editing making the cut

"Every minute spent showing the director anything is going to affect the next few tens of hours of our lives." - Sing Wei
"When you're low on dignity, just walk." - Jiaming
Very true.

The past few days have been hell.

1. I stayed over editing last friday, sat, sunday, monday, went home on tuesday night, went in on wednesday noon, showed director my first cut, he didn't like it and wanted the whole thing changed by thursday, i told him i can't finish by thursday and he told me "做不完也得做". so i called the producer to wail and he said he'd be able to extend the deadline till monday.

2. so i come in on thursday and start editing properly when suddenly the director comes in and tells the producer that i will finish the cut by 11pm and he will make it his responsibility. and i just go "ok........" so i edit non stop and 11pm comes and of course i was nowhere near done. the director sits there and will not leave till i finish. tells me to give it first thing tomorrow morning. 4am comes and i have to ask for permission to take a half an hour nap. i couldn't really sleep and i get woken up half an hour later to continue editing. 8am comes and i have been awake for over 24hours. i am falling alseep on sofas and tables. director catches me, calls out "sara" says "你继续吧“. by 9am i'm braindead, semi-conscious and fed up and i just tell him i'm going to sleep and collapse on one of the sofas.

3. 3 hours later i wake up still feeling totally drained and like shit. i finish up the last bits of my cut. then director wants to review the other editor's cut. i am in the room. director tells the other editor “你昨晚改了整个晚上到底在改什么？！我叫你改的你都没改！！ 你到底在做什么！！" director demands conceptual changes. the other editor looks defeated. i want to cry so i leave the room. tech staff sees me and says “wa 看你的脸看得出你快要崩溃了" i tell him "对啊你要我现在哭给你看我都行" and i start crying just like that. i take a long walk around the industrial area crying. people stare at me but i don't care. i'm crying because i'm exhausted. because i can't edit well in such exhaustion. because the director is going to demand changes again and maybe not let me sleep again and my brain is too dead to function anymore and i really cannot go on anymore. i'm crying because my eyes hurt. my neck hurts my back hurts and i feel giddy from the lack of physically activity. i'm damn tired. i just want to go home. but i can't. so i cry. i go back to the office eventually. have an emo talk with the other editor. cry somemore. he 苦笑s. director wants to see my cut. i feel like shit. because i rushed it i dont think the quality is there and i didn't even bother to watch it once before because i was braindead. cut plays. director says he likes it. i gasp. but there are still changes to be made. he lets me go home and tells me to come back tomorrow to continue. my deadline has been pushed to tomorrow.

4. saturday. valentines day. i come back to edit determined to finish by tonight. the other editor, singwei, whose deadline was also friday morning pushed to saturday morning is MIA. director comes in. he looks at the intro sequence i've recut. hates it. tsks and bags table. thinks its too simple. yells that he wants MTV! MTV! Everyone knows what MTV looks like! MTV! 你们不可能不知道什么是MTV! i tell him maybe there isn't enough time to cut MTV because it takes alot of cuts. He tells me to STOP telling him that i don't have enough time and this is industry standard and if i can't do it then maybe i'm not suited for this job. i want to say fuck you then you come do it and prove that it is possible because i really just can't and plus the focus of the offline vetting is the content so with the limited time i should be working on changing the content. but i don't cos i want to be a good worker so i just say oh. director realises nobody can find the other editor. goes into rage. bangs wall, swears. then he leaves. the other editor does come in eventually, tells me he is to the brim with this job and he is so close so close to leaving it. we edit. 11pm, the other editor and producer suddenly say then are leaving to continue editing in the editor's house because the director is coming back and the editor knows the director is going to demand explanations for why he didn't come in to edit in the morning and rather just say that he was editing at home all this while. i beg them not to leave me alone here with the director when he comes back. the other editor begs me to let him leave to avoid the director when he comes back. the other editor wins and leaves and the producer goes with him. there is another editor in the office editing another project. her name is edwina. we smoke together and i tell her my plight. she tells me it shouldn't be like that and that i should just leave or say no to changes if its not doable within the timeframe. she finishes hers and leaves. i beg her to stay with me but she has to leave. she leaves.

5. 12am. director returns. i'm all alone in the office with him. his face is black. he sits besides me. i play back to watch the part i just edited. he tells me to stop at part x. demands to know why i leave a part of a sequence with no humans in. i tell him its because it is panning from the scared students to the office to the woman who is scolding them so i feel the reality in it. he says no. demands i cut it out. i look through it again. i can't because i want the sound bite of the woman scolding them. he tells me to put in the image of the guy before. i put in and it doesn't go because you can hear the guy on the other footage going yes yes when here he is just staring and smiling at the camera. i tell the director it doesn't fit. director angrily tsks and sighs then also demands to have a sequence of them entering the office and setting up. demands to know why i didn't listen to him and follow his instructions from before! bangs table. i tell him there is no such footage. he says 没有可能！ and snatches the mouse and starts angrily banging it about the table looking through all the footage. 3 mins pass. time that i could have spent moving on with the refining of the edit. he fails to find the footage. then he angrily snatches up pen and paper and bangs down on the table writing a script and sequence list for me. i just sit there waiting for him to finish, hyper aware the situation i'm in. he finishes his sequence, reads it out to be as if i'm stupid, bangs the table with his fist holding pen to emphasise every point, violently underlines random sentances as if i'm stupid then shoves the paper at me and tells me to follow this to do. it is basically changing the whole sequencing of the part again. i am painfully aware that this is going to be a long night at this rate. i find a footage that matches his description and put it in. i watch it. there is a creak sound in the footage. he asks me what the sound is. i say i don't know. i watch it again. he says 你不可以不理这个声音！i randomly try to find some other footage. i am painfully aware that the director is glaring at my screen with his arms crossed his face black like thunder. i can't find suitable footage. he tsks and sighs condescendingly and snatches the mouse to find it himself saying 我不了解为什么你就是不了解我要的是什么！he then grabs pen and bangs down to start storyboarding sequence by sequence, instructing me like i'm stupid. i push away from the table. i tell him i can't work with him watching me like that. he takes a deep angry breath. i apologise. then i stand up, grab my pre-packed bag (because i suspected this would be the case and edwina agreed) and run out of the office. i run via stairwell down 8 floors and i run across the road and jump on the first bus that comes.

then i meet susan and shining for food and we hang and talk till 5am and by then i am dead sure that i'm dead sick of the job and never going back.
irresponsible? yes. but logical too. if i had stayed on it would have been a night of table banging, being ordered about and being denied sleep. i think that was the thing that traumatised me most about this experience. the not being allowed to sleep. imagine, you half dead, unable to think straight and still being forced to work.. it's pure mental, physical, emotional torture. so i valued myself and fled.
the producer understood and we joked about it via sms after i fled.
turns out i'm the 8th editor to walk away from this project when only 2 episodes have been aired.

i woke up on sunday afternoon feeling like a fairy.
the producer asked me to come in and make changes and finish it by monday morning. i took edwina's advice and said i can promise i'll give you an offline out by monday morning but i can't promise that all the changes the director wants will be made because if there are too many i just can't do it on time and i can't and refuse to work 24 hours nonstop. So if they were ok with that then i'd continue. if not they can jolly well get somebody else. 这样的工作我才不希罕呢.
and so that is how it ended.
we negotiated agreeable compensation and i was pleased with my decision.
that day for the first time in 3 weeks i went out just to hang out. i met susan for dinner, had dessert, watched a movie.
i was grinning from head to toe the whole bloody time.
really, it is wonderful to be free. : )

I wanna die

and i've utterly changed my mind about being an editor as a profession.
after/if i finally get through this i'm never accepting reality variety edit jobs again.
(drama with script and log sheets within reasonable timelines still ok tho)
never again
never again
never again.
if you ever get tempted, be warned:
reality variety edit = 38 tapes, 38 x 38 hours of possiblity -> therefore changes Changes CHANGES!
if you get a director telling you "你要把这个片子当成文章看待" when you ask him what to change after he tells you he doesn't like your cut when the deadline is tomorrow when his 文章 requires you relook or recall 38 hours of footage and come up with a 文章 that may or may not be his idea of a 文章
you will want to die too trust me or punch things.
i'm just the bloody editor for god's sake.
more TECH SUPPORT than main scriptwriter
if you're giving me 24 hours to change 24 minutes of show
then tell me exactly what bloody shot you want where you want it and how bloody long you want it
otherwise i can't do it.
i can't.
you can say industry timings are like that.
well i can't. 24 hours to change 24 mins of 文章 show - i can't.
i need at least 3 days.
that's why i just left it to come home to sleep.
goodnight.