in these past 3 months,
lincoln's grandma died.
then xiai's grandma died.
then boo's grandma died.
then jaymz' grandma died.
then my grandpa died.
then mrs yu died.
then elgin's grandma died.
i don't know if its just that i'm getting older or just that people are dying out.
but anyway, i will die one day too and you will too.
so let's just enjoy the journey.
fuck the achievement, the pride, the bickering.
because really, it doesn't really matter anyway.
world peace.
20090328
Grandparents are dying everywhere
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Wouldn't it be nice if
we could all just get along merrily,
help each other in our art,
collaborate in the true form of the word,
not put our egos first,
have a nice relaxing journey in our careers...
unfortunately we can't.
because they won't.
because they won't.
so i won't.
so they won't.
so i won't.
so they can't.
so i can't.
so we can't.
life is gray.
i wish i had the courage to just fuck it all and go be a buddhist nun.
unfortunately, too much incense smoke gives me asthma.
life is gray baby.
20090309
Things i learnt when my grampa died
/ Things you might want to know in case you or your loved one dies
1. if you don't die prematurely from cancer or other terminal diseases, when you get really really old, your body really just gets weaker and weaker and disfunctions and disfunctions and weaker and weaker and disfunctions and disfunctions and weaker and disfunctions and weaker and then it just stops.
2. on the death certificate, no one is ever listed as having died because their heart stopped beating because they were just too old. even if it is true. doctors have to pinpoint an ailment that may have resulted in the heart stopping and that ailment (pnemonia etc) will be listed as the cause of death even though everyone understands that a possible cause is just extreme old age.
3. they don't clear dead bodies right away. a body can actually remain in the place of death for a few hours as family come to see/touch it goodbye while the admin of the death cert gets done and stamped. though probably not when one dies in public.
4. a dead body is politely referred to as cadaver. not a corpse.
5. a dead body doesn't go into rigor mortis right away. it stays warm for about 3 hours (if i remember correctly) then goes into rigor mortis. rigor mortis is caused by calcium ions no longer being regulated by the body. because calcium ions cause muscles to contract, the increasing presence of calcium ions in the muscles from diffusion causes the muscles of the body to be constantly contracted. thus stiff. thus rigor mortis. which ends 72 hours after death.
6. first stage of decomposition occurs because the body dies but the organisms within it (eg. bacteria, intestinal flora and fauna, etc) do not die with the body. when the body is alive it has its devices to prevent the organisms within it from "eating it from inside out" but loses that when it dies thus the body gradually grays and blackens cos it is getting eaten from the inside out.
7. second stage of decomposition is getting eaten from the outside in. by flies, fleas, maggots, vultures, etc. same thing, body no longer has the defenses to flap away flies thus gets eaten. thus causing skin removal and revealing skeletons. simultaneous eating outside and inside is what gives you the decomposition.
8. you have to hire a casket company to remove the body from the house. it will be sent to casket office to be embalmed and made up. you can choose favourite clothes for your cadaver to wear and favourite things to put into the coffin with it. these will all be burnt with your cadaver during cremation later.
9. when you buy a funeral, you will be given a whole list of options to choose from. important choices will be: home/void deck/parlour funeral? how many days of funeral, 3, 5, 7? what dialect group's tradition of funeral? what religion's? and what to do with the post-cremation remains? small choices will be about what colour robe? do you want to buy a paper house? do you want a golden embroidered cloth over the casket? etc?
10. a coffin refers to the stretched hexagon box only. any other shape of box is called a casket.
11. it takes about 3-5 hours for a normal dead body to be embalmed. during embalment, the body is washed and disinfected. then the blood and natural fluids of the body are drained and the embalment fluid is pumped in its place.
12. the point of make upping the cadaver is to give it the colour of blood circulation that living humans have and dead humans lack. so blush is usually applied to hint of circulation as is lip colour, even for elderly males.
13. in spite of having been embalmed, the body will still change. my grandpa had a shiny nose and slightly more sunken eyelids by the third day of being in the coffin.
14. when it is your loved one's dead body, you tend to experience no fear of corpses when looking at the body.
15. a pearl is put into the mouth of the cadaver for some reason. i forgot to ask why.
16. a buddhist ceremony will involve monks coming in to chant in buddhist language for a few hours each day at 20min sessions with 20min breaks within each chanting. the family will be given out an incense stick each and sit and watch as the chanting is done, and walk around the corpse a few times and bow and put the incense sticks in the pot at the end of it.
17. christians can choose not to hold the incense sticks if they want but still participate in the watching of the chanting, the walking and the bowing.
18. incense sticks are a "device" (the exact english word of a real monk explaining to us) that the living can use to communicate to the dead. when you hold an incense stick apparently the dead can feel your emotions and hear your thoughts. i think it is important that you know this before hand because i spent the whole funeral thinking that incense sticks were just polite offerings like flowers and only found out about the "technology" of it much later.
19. too much incense smoke will give you asthma if you have sensitive lungs.
20. at the funeral, family members will be given a piece of cloth to wear on their sleeve. sons and 内孙s (inner family) get to wear blue. daughters and 外孙s wear brown. the eldest son and the eldest son's son (called the eldest grandson, 长孙) get to wear a blue cloth with a smaller white cloth within.
21. the eldest grandson (长孙）is always the son of the eldest son and not literally the grandson who is the oldest. the eldest grandson can be 20 years younger than the oldest grandson and still get to wear the special sleeve cloth and sit in front with the sons, even if he is only in primary school and there are plenty of working grandsons sitting at the back.
22. the eldest son will always sit in the centre at the front and be the first to follow after the monk in the walking ceremony.
23. when family leave the wake for the day, they have to offer an incense stick, say bye bye, and take down their sleeve cloth. when family arrive at the wake, they have to offer an incense stick, say hello, and put on the sleeve cloth.
24. the dead person in the coffin gets to eat breakfast and lunch bought/made by the family each day. every morning a daughter or daughter-in-law will have to get him breakfast, and every day before 12, get him lunch. dinner will be provided by the monks because family should 留一餐给自己吃, which has something to do with the future of prosperity of the family though i can't remember specifically what.
25. a daughter/daughter-in-law will also have to prepare a wash cloth and a tooth brush in a basin for the deceased each morning. it is to tell the spirit to wake up and brush teeth like he would normally do had he been alive. the wash cloth, basin, tooth brush, tooth paste will be provided by the funeral company.
26. drinks, snacks, tissues and garbage disposal will be provided by the funeral company. buffet meals can be ordered if desired.
27. wreaths will be placed at the door of the funeral parlour.
28. funeral parlours at singapore casket come in different sizes and an lcd screen at the lobby lists the names of all the deceased and in which rooms.
29. when guests come to see the body, they give 白金 and offer incense and see the body and then spend the next hour or so just sitting there drinking eating and talking to somebody.
30. when guests offer incense, a grandson has to kneel beside the coffin as they do so.
31. 白金 can help cover a few thousands of dollars of your funeral costs if you have enough generous guests.
32. you don't feel awkward crying at funerals because every one is just crying along with you.
33. if your tears fall onto the coffin it does stain the coffin.
34. skin cells remain alive for 3 days after death.
35. buddhists believe that the spirit of the deceased goes into a trance for the next 4 days after death and does not yet know they are dead.
36. in this time, a light will appear and if they go into the light, they will get out of the cycle of rebirth and move on to enlightenment. but most shun the light and thus go back into the cycle of rebirth.
37. for the cremation ceremony, family members will be given a white t-shirt that they can wear with any black pants or jeans. they will also be given socks and will have to walk to the casket carriage bare foot. the t-shirt will have to be thrown away right upon reaching home after the cremation.
38. the first part of the cremation ceremony is more prayers at the wake and the saying of the final goodbyes to your cadaver.
39. then the casket will be brought down to the casket carriage and the family members will have to trail after it in socks as the casket carriage drives out to the main road.
40. you will have a few brands of vehicles to choose from as your casket carriage.
41. after the carriage takes off, family members will get into the private bus or into their own cars and drive after the carriage.
42. the procession will end up at the crematorium where family members will be led into a hall for more prayers and bowing.
43. then the casket will be brought to the furnace where it where family members will watch the casket being sent off to get burnt from a glassed room 1 level above.
44. the eldest son will then have to take the photo of the deceased and the tablet with his name on it and bring it to a temple.
45. at the temple, the deceased's photo will be given a "lot" on a shelf amongst other deceased's photos and family will once more be given incense sticks and another prayer ceremony will commence.
46. after that monks will bring you into a room to discuss what package you want for your deceased for the next 49 days.
47. buddhists believes that after the 4 days of trance and if the spirit avoids the light, the spirit will start to realise it is dead and begin to watch and feel everything he went through in this life and all other lives for the next 49 days after death.
48. after these 49 days, the spirit will then be assigned new parents or a new identity according to the karma it has accumulated in all it's lives and undergo reincarnation.
49. the monks told us that these 49 days are crucial for improving the karma of the deceased through chanting and guiding it towards a higher existence or something like that.
50. in these 49 days, the tablet of the deceased, together with the photo, has to be placed at an alter and offered incense and be cooked for twice a day by either a daughter or daughter-in-law. alternatively, you can just leave the tablet at a temple the the 49 days for a small fee and the monk will settle the 2 meals and prayers.
(to be continued.... )
